Just A Crush
by kapaliela.nani
Summary: James had confessed once to Katie his crush on her, Katie had told him she used to have a crush on him.  Must I remind you that you never stop crushing on someone?
1. An Excuse to Talk to You

Hey! This is a Jatie story, I know, too many of those but it was the only way it would fit. Anyways it kinda has to do with my life so yeah, mostly getting my anger out here.

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><p><strong>Just A Crush: An Excuse To Talk To You<strong>

I was sitting in my bedroom procrastinating. It was the week of finals but I didn't want to start studying for history, my most hated class, too bad I had no choice but to take it. Also it happened to be the week of hatred towards me, sort of. I had finished things with this guy I had just started to date and he started to say plenty of things about me, non positive of course, mostly horrible. He reminded me so much about my ex-boyfriend, especially with the last phrase he told me before I blocked him on Facebook. Lately any guy that I date and leave just has to think the worst of me.

Still I was thinking why I even started to date him. Maybe because he had already thought we were together and I felt bad to just tell him that it wasn't like he thought. I should have from the beginning but what's done its done. I couldn't remember the last time a guy wanted to just be friends with me. A girl can be just friends with a guy, it is possible, but lately it seems that just because a girl and a guy talk to each other they have to at least date once.

I missed having guy friends, but most of them didn't talk to me anymore because their girlfriends told them they couldn't talk to me. Some of them just got too caught up in the relationships and just forgot to call me back. But my thought mostly came back to think about just one of them. I remember us having long conversations every night. Most of the times it was me comforting him because his girlfriend at the moment was a total bitch to him and mistreated him.

I couldn't help but get online on Facebook. I saw his page, a really hot profile picture of him, of course. _Status: in a relationship _with the same girl I saw him last. I remember that day, it was the precise day that I stopped hearing about him. I knew he had started dating someone and that was the reason we didn't talk as often, but we still texted once every couple of days. After singing lessons I went with a couple of friends from the institute to the movies, where I ran into him.

"_Hey Katie, haven't seen you in a while. How have you been?" he said while coming over to hug me._

"_I've been okay, just like last time." I said trying to contain myself from showing the plenty of emotions I had at the moment._

"_Oh Katie this is Lillian Stella, Lils this is Katie, my best friend's little sister." He said and we both waved at each other. I was trying not to kill him this time, just his best friend's little sister, how about your friend a couple of months ago, the one you met under a tree, or your friend two days ago over a text message._

"_Nice to meet you, and nice to see you James. I gotta go, my friends are waiting for me." I said waving one last time and going inside the movie._

I noticed he was online. Last time I saw him was just a couple of seconds outside of T.G.I. Fridays and he looked like he wanted to talk to me, or at least I thought so about how eagerly he said hi.

_It was the day before Kendall left for the Air Force. His high school friends invited him to dinner as a farewell. I wasn't told by Kendall, mom had told me we had to drive him there. I dressed in black board shorts and a purple t-shirt with my gray converse. When she pulled up in front of T.G.I. Fridays I remembered how we used to do it constantly when he was in high school and I was in Junior High. He got out and every single one of his friends started greeting him. Only the one's closest to him also greeted mom and me. Logan first greeted mom and then made his way over to me, Carlos doing the same. I saw him in the distance sitting in the bench._

"_Hey Katie." He said waving as he got up._

_I waved and said "hey James, see ya" as I got back into the car again this time in the passenger's seat. After that mom drove away. I was glad we didn't stay longer, first of all I wasn't even looking cute at all and I was afraid to talk to him._

I kind of regret my decision now. But I wish there was a believable excuse to get him to talk to me more than a few sentences. I wanted it to be like old times. I figured why not give it a shot, it wouldn't hurt.

-Hey James.-

-Hey Katie, how are you?-

-I'm good and you?-

-I'm good.-

-So, I heard you were joining the Army.-


	2. Explaining Things to Claire part 1

I'm glad you guys liked the story. So I'm updating this chapter because today another chapter is going to happen, the real life Jatie are going to hang out. Yeah based on a true story, is more messed up than what I start to explain here. Bigtimebitch and BigTimeFan13 I'm really looking forward to your reviews, always making me laugh, you guys are the good kind of crazy, of course. So here's the chapter.

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><p><strong>Just A Crush: Explaining Things To Claire part 1<strong>

"Okay, so who's the guy?" Claire said insinuating as usual. It was getting really annoying. She's my friend and I love her but it pisses me off that she's the first one to think I like a guy just because I talk to them.

"What guy? You have been sort of ignoring me so there must be a guy." I asked her like I didn't know what she was talking about.

"First I've been doing my part of the art project, when are you going to do yours?" I said leaving her dumbfounded. "And he's an old friend of mine." I said just to shut her up, sure she wasn't talking at the moment, but she wasn't one to give up on a subject very easily.

"Old friend or boyfriend?" She asked.

"Okay, let me explain things to you from the beginning because I know you're going to ask about everything." I said finding Skype on my laptop to show her the conversation.

"Oh you know me so well." She said pushing me over and reading the conversation.

"Sadly I do." I said.

"Wow, I can't even get past this. Explain everything on the conversation."

I looked over to see where she left it. It wasn't even the most interesting part of the conversation and she was already asking? This was going to be a long explanation.

"Oh, the training part? He's joining the army."

"But he's also asking about your brother."

I sighed a bit pissed off. " Nobody knows besides you he's back. He doesn't want anybody that he failed after two weeks." Kendall hadn't left his room in the whole four days that he'd been back and he wasn't planning on telling anyone soon enough.

"Okay, weird your brother, I remember how excited you were to tell everybody you were back." She said probably remembering how we were so eager to come back to the Minnesota cold after being in Florida's warm weather. We both regretted the decision of coming back on time and not extending our stay. "Okay so you told him about school, about Chris being back, meeting under a tree…" She trailed off.

"It was a year ago right before we went to Florida. We were catching up on things since we hadn't talked to each other that much."

"Ooh, hot encounter." She said with a smirk.

"Nothing happened, we just catched up. He was starting to date a girl, and I missed him so we decided to meet right after I got out from college. I had the car so I could go and meet him somewhere that my brother wasn't going to pop in suddenly." I said remembering how pissed off Kendall was when he found out I had been talking to James more than usual.

I saw Claire just read the rest of the conversation in silence. She was too quiet.

"Oh my! This is the guy from the long chain of messages I found in the phone you gave me?" She said holding up my old phone, now her new phone.

"Yeah. He's the guy."

"Okay so I know he declared his love on the messages, but what the hell happened at his house?" She almost screamed. I decided to go ahead and tell her the whole story.

"Ok, I'm going to tell you everything but no interrupting." I said and she nodded.

_It had been six months since I saw him again. The guy I always had a crush on since well at least the sixth grade. I saw him six months ago at the movies, my brother had invited me to hang with them and watch a movie. While my brother went to get the tickets we talked for a bit an exchanged Facebook accounts. After a while we had each other's Skype accounts. It has been a whole month since we started talking daily, mostly about his girlfriend pissing him off and being a bitch. He always had the worst choice in girls, I always remembered that._

_Three days ago was Valentine's day, what did I get for a present: love confession. He had told me he started to see me in a different light, sure I had grown but I was still seventeen, and weird, and in college. I told him that I was very flattered but I didn't see him that way and I was positive that he probably thought of me that way because how bad he felt with his current girlfriend. I lied, I still had the biggest crush on him, but I didn't want my heart to be broken. I was usually the girl who hated to see anyone sad so I would do anything to comfort them and if that was just it with him it would kill me. He told me to give him a chance but I told him we would be better off as friends. Yesterday he said he wanted to hang out so now I'm choosing a nice outfit, but not too cute, I don't want him to get any ideas._

"_Hey Kendall, I'm going to go to the park with Chris."_

"_Did you tell mom?" He said peeking out of his room._

"_Of course I did, see ya."_

_I walked a block on the direction to the park before I got into his car, like we agreed._

"_Hey sweetie." He said while hugging me._

"_Hey James, so ready?" I asked._

"_Yeah, let's go to my house."_

_So yeah, we were hanging out at his house, not the best idea I know, but it was the only way nobody would find out. Mom knew I had talked to him daily lately and she told me that if I went out with him she would tell Kendall everything, and mom kind of knew too much._

_After a bit there we were, in front of his house. I got really nervous, but tried not to show. And with fake confidence I walked beside him towards his house, we walked in and he closed the door._


	3. Explaining Things to Claire part 2

You guys really made me happy with the reviews. Well, for now I can just tell you that things seem to continue happening with this story. Anyways I would love it if you guys told me if you don't understand something from the story or if you feel there's something I haven't written yet that you feel the need to know, I want you guys to enjoy every part of the story. Anyways, here I leave you with the third chapter, hope you enjoy.

**Just A Crush: Explaining Things To Claire part 2**

_When we walked inside the house I realized it was the first time I had been in his house, compared to the many times I had been to Carlos' and Logan's._

"_Nice house." I said while seeing his pictures all over the place._

"_Yup, but the best part is my room." he said as he directed me towards the hallway._

"_Can I go to the bathroom first?" I said and he directed me to it._

_I closed the door and locked it. I peed, I was definitely nervous and also on the last days of my period which was not good. Not because I wanted to so anything with him, but because those were the days that were the hardest for me to control myself. I didn't want to get caught up and let him know I still have a crush on him, I didn't want to get hurt again. I finished in the bathroom and walked over to his room. He was on the computer and he had his back towards me, this was going to be so hard, even with a shirt on you could see he had muscles forming._

"_Hey." I said as I walked inside the room._

"_What you're just going to stand up? Sit silly." He said while patting a spot next to him on the bed._

_I sat next too him, too nervous to mutter a word. We were looking through the files, old pictures were there. I appeared in two of them since I used to hang out every once in a while with my brother's friends._

"_Do you mind if I change, it's kind of warm right now." He said fanning himself with a notebook._

"_Go ahead." I laughed. I didn't realize until he pulled his t-shirt off that he meant inside the room with me._

_I saw his back, you could tell he had been working out, he was tired of being the chubby and cute kid. He had a nice ass too. He bent down to get a new shirt from his drawer and turned around to face me after he got it._

"_Did you ever get to see my new tattoo?" He asked. I had seen it before, in pictures and once in person. He didn't let me even reply when his back was already in my face. I had to contain myself to not grab his ass or touch his tattoo that was across his back. "You can touch it if you want." He said, taunting me, I understood his little game now._

"_Nah, it's okay. But it is a nice tattoo." I told him and went back to the laptop, he finished putting his shirt on but in that time I got a call from Kendall._

_I had told James and he drove me back closest to the park as he could. My brother knew I had lied but never said anything about it to my mom and I was glad._

I finished telling Claire everything about that day. I still remember it, made me wonder if I had done the right thing by not telling James the truth, I always and still have a crush on him, and that day I confirmed it when he made me so nervous I had to obligate myself to speak.

"Oh my, you're so screwed up." Claire said mockingly.

"Ha! As if I didn't know that already." I said knowingly.

"I bet you wont last those nine months now." She said referring to my little pact.

"Shut up, I will. You sure have a lot of faith in me." I said sarcastically.

"It's not that I don't have faith in you, I just don't trust the guys you get involved with."

The pact was that I wouldn't get involved with any guy romantically or physically for nine months. Sadly she was right, I had the worst record in picking guys.


	4. Kendall's Little Sister

This is starting to be an interesting week, my cousin is just horrible, can't believe I have 3 weeks to find another place to stay for a few days. On with Just a crush: The part of this story that actually goes on in real life is driving me crazy and I can't write fast enough apparently. I read your reviews and they seriously made me happy and of course BigTimeFan13 you made me laugh, this time while I was at work. Anyways I was wondering, for those of you that may leave a review if you would like to tell me what would you like to see happen in their future, it's based mostly on a true story but it can always be modified jajaj. Hope you enjoy the chapter.

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><p><strong>Just A Crush: Kendall's Little Sister<strong>

I was finally done with all my finals, for the exception of the art project. I was doing it with Claire of course but since it couldn't be only the two of us we had to bring a third person to the project: Jett. Jett is Dak's younger brother, who also studies with me. Who is Dak? One of my friends that lives back in Florida, long story short; he's a sweetheart, a great friend, also 34 with a kid. Don't judge by the last two.

I was on my way back home from Jett's house, I had dropped Claire off at her house. I was happy I was talking/texting James daily again, I had missed him so much. The only thing that pissed me off was that the last time we talked it was only about Kendall, he had decided to show himself to the world again.

He finally stopped being a whiney baby and listened. Of course, he didn't listen to me, he listened to Logan who said the exact same thing. I hated when people gave me no credibility because I was Kendall's younger sister. If they only knew that if it wasn't for the skinny jeans that shows off his jewels most people would think he was the girl, then again me having boobs tells them I'm the girl.

I heard my phone ring and put it in speaker.

"Hello." I said.

"Hey honey, what are you doing?" His sweet voice asked me.

"I'm driving back home."

"Be careful, it's dark you know."

"James I'm not blind." I said at the same moment that the car broke down. "Fan freaking tastic, just broke down." I said while turning the phone off the speaker and going over to pop the hood up to see what was going on. "What does this have here huh?" I said checking on things.

"Oh please Katie, get back in the car, its not safe. Besides what do you know about cars, wait there for me to come help you."

"I'm fine James, I don't need any help." I hissed.

"Where are you?" He demanded. I told him the directions even though I already knew what was off. I needed tools but my really smart brother Kendall got them out of the car.

He got there and without a word he started fixing the car, not letting me touch any tools. It pissed me off, this happened all the time, they wouldn't let me help with anything when I actually didn't need the help. Wonder where were they when I actually did need help at school. I remember those horrible years, I used to get teased almost daily. James had been for two years at out school when I decided it had taken enough shit from everybody and left to public school, where I actually felt like a normal person, where nobody teased me.

"Hey kiddo, all done." He said with a proud smile on his face.

"Not a kid anymore you know, besides I could've fixed it myself." I said with a serious face, when I was truly pissed off.

"Yeah but at least you got help from me." He said coming closer to me.

"Eight years too late don't you think." I said while opening the door of the car and got in. I was about to shut the door when he held it.

"No freaking way, you're not going to get away from me mad. Drive behind me so we can talk, lets go to the park around the corner okay?" He said with a serious tone. I simply nodded and turned on the car. He went to his and turned it and drove over to the park.

I remember that park. It was right beside the ice rink where the guys used to play hockey. Grandma would pick me up from school and then them before driving them all to the rink. I parked right beside his car and followed him to the swings.

"Why did you snap at me?" Was the first thing he said when I came close to the swings. He already sat down in one of them. I took a seat in the one next to him.

"Look I'm tired of everyone thinking they need to take care of me. I lived alone for six months for crying out loud!"

"I'm sorry for wanting to make things easier for you then. You know you don't always need to worry about taking care of yourself."

"When were those words when I needed them? Eight years ago, remember? I was teased at school and neither Kendall or his friends took care of Kendall's little sister, well now I'm grown, I don't need or want that and it seems that it's the only thing you do." I said looking down to my converse.

"You know better than to think that, you know that to me you weren't just Kendall's little sister. You were Katherine Claire Knight to me, I just didn't let anybody know I knew that." He said flashing a smile, one of those contagious one's that you can't help but imitate.

"James can we talk later? Kendall and mom are waiting for me at home." I said realizing the time.

"Sure hun, call you in 45 minutes?" He asked.

"Sure, why not." I said walking fast towards the car.

When I got home I saw my mom sitting in the porch, that obviously hinted she was waiting for me. I got out of the car and got my backpack.

"Katherine, are you insane? You're late, you should've called. I have been worried sick, now I'm not so sure of doing the right thing by leaving you kids alone next week." She rambled.

"The car broke down, not my fault. You're not so smart soon took the tools out of it so I had to wait for James to help me. And by the way, we're nineteen and twenty three, not six and ten." I said walking past her but she grabbed my arm.

"James better not come here while I'm away." She said obviously remembering how she correctly suspected that he had a crush on me.

"I just needed his tools and he lived the closest to where the park broke down." I lied and made my way inside.

It pissed me off, when I was younger nobody cared about how I was teased, bullied or anorexic. Now that I'm grown and take care of myself in every aspect everybody feels the stupid need of trying to help when they actually make it worst. Sadly they don't realize I never needed the help, I just needed to know that someone actually cared, I needed to feel loved, something I don't recall ever feeling.


	5. Dak And James

So I'm completely obsessed with two songs right now: 1. Crush by Aidan Hawken (that's were I got the title for the story) and 2. Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri. They're both my inspiration for the fiction parts of the story. Anyways this has been a really boring week, the most interesting thing has been work, and that truly sucks. Anyways voice your opinions about this chapter, I wrote it at work so might suck a bit.

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><p><strong>Just A Crush: Dak And James<strong>

One thing I hated about Jett was that he called you constantly even when all things were done. He called me last night with some slides he wanted to add to the presentation and of course I get stuck finishing it alone. It was 3 in the freaking morning when I got a call.

"Hey Dak, why are you calling me this late?" I asked.

"Why are you still up is my question? I saw your phone online on Facebook." He said.

"Your brother wanted to add some things to the project now I'm stuck finishing it."

"Oh sweetheart I'm so sorry about that, let me get on Skype so I can help you ok?" He offered.

"Dak it's okay, besides I'm not even on Skype." I said rubbing my eyes as I was tired.

"Don't argue and let me help you." He said pushing the offer, I knew he would get his way.

"Fine." I said getting on Skype. I could argue with Dak but most times he would get his way. Then again I always had this respect and admiration for him that I couldn't help but do whatever made him happy.

After an hour Dak had helped me finish. So he was right, I wouldn't have finished it then if it wasn't for his help. So he's older and smarter, he also had a way with words which helped me make the project look way longer even tough it wasn't that much.

"Thanks Dak." I said gratefully.

"No worries hun, just get some rest and tell my brother he's a jerk." He said laughing.

"Haha okay, goodnight."

"Goodnight to you too." He said before hanging up.

I hated Claire for putting thoughts into my head. Dak was my friend but she always had to butt in and say our relationship was not just friendship, but also flirtatious sometimes. But I wouldn't say it was flirting, is just showing someone that you care, not holding back, not thinking anything romantic.

That night I got only four hours of sleep, I was sure going to be cranky. That morning mom was finishing packing up, she was leaving at night.

"And don't forget to wash the dishes. And also change the towels, you cannot use the same one the whole week." Mom kept nagging.

"Mom shut up, I get it! You should tell that to your baby boy, not me. It's the same thing every year, you think I don't know? And I lived alone for a whole semester for crying out loud." I said grabbing my things and heading out the door without even finishing breakfast.

It was always like this, she always gave me the speech. Why couldn't she understand that her ignoring me in my childhood made me independent and I don't need her anymore. I couldn't wait for next month. Fine I would go back to Florida to work for a little bit, but it was doing something I loved and most importantly away from my mom.

Okay, not most importantly, I was also staying with Dak. I was very nervous about it. We would have to sleep on the same bed, it's a studio apartment and the bathroom has no door. I didn't have money for a hotel for two weeks so I guess that was my best option.

That night after dropping mom off at the airport Claire texted me.

C: _I got engaged!_

Seriously? She's only 21 and already engaged to a guy she has known for five months, and has been away from for four. I mean, you could see they loved each other but it was so surreal to see a couple move so fast and so young although he was 30 and foreign so maybe that has something to do with it. I texted her my congrats and deleted the picture of the ring. It kind of depressed me hearing about weddings when my love life sucked. And also pissed me off because she would talk about him every single moment of every single day even if it was a subject that didn't have anything to do with him.

I can't stop thinking about the conversations I've had with James and Dak. They make me wonder if I actually know what I want in a guy. They sure have taught me something; I have never been in love.

I heard my phone ring and I answered…

"Hey Katie." I heard his voice making my stomach feel weird.

"Hey James, what's up?" I said casually.

"Nothing much, I just dropped my girlfriend off at her mom's house so now I'm bored." He said calmly. It was weird for me to hear this. We had been talking a lot lately and he told me about how she would lend him her car. That Camille girl must trust him a lot, and love him a lot.

"Aww poor you. I'm actually going to bed soon so I can't talk that much."

"It's still early." He said, as if I didn't know that already.

"But I work early tomorrow."

"I didn't know you work."

"There's a lot of things that you don't know." I said honestly. We had been apart for a long time, and especially when I left I changed a lot.

"Well lets do something. What time can I see you tomorrow?"

"Well Kendall leaves at 4pm for class so you can come."

"And at what time does your mom get back from work?"

"She just left tonight on vacation." I said automatically, but then I realized what I had just said.

"Well what time does Kendall come back?"

"At 9:38pm"

"See you at five tomorrow then."

"See ya."

Oh my, why did I invite him over?


	6. He's Coming Over

So most of this chapter you might want to kill me and the next chapter you definitely will just because of a couple of things that happen (if you imagine yourselves in the situation is also really interesting). Thanks for the reviews and hope you like this chapter =)

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><p><strong>Just A Crush: He's Coming Over<strong>

The next morning I woke up a nervous wreck. I didn't know I could still feel like this, I was supposed to be over him. I could recognize that feeling, I had it too many times before. The feeling of crushing, when you know that you're going to see your crush and you just can't wait for it. The crush was supposed to be long gone.

I got ready for work. I was glad I wouldn't have that much time to think today since there was a lot of things to do around the office. The day went by too quickly and before I knew it I was on my way back home.

The phone rang and I picked it up.

"Hey Claire." I answered knowing it was her, caller i.d. is very helpful.

"Hey Katie, what's up?"

"Nothing much, just cleaning up the house a bit. You?" I asked her.

"Feeling lonely, my baby left today." She said, probably she was also pouting.

"Aww I know, but sorry I can't help you feel better, I really need to hang up." I said cleaning the table faster, my nerves were getting the best of me.

"Wait, what's the rush?" She asked. I didn't want to tell her but I knew she would get it out of me somehow and better like this than in front of Kendall since nobody knew he was coming over.

"He's coming over."

"He, as in, oh my. Katie, do you know what you're getting yourself into. Please don't do anything like friendly-friend and I used to." She said reminding me of the guy that she sort of had an affair with.

"No worries, it's nothing like that but I'm still nervous." I said with a shaky voice.

"Call me after he's gone, okay?"

"Okidoki."

I hung up the phone and stopped cleaning. I looked at the time, almost 4pm, I needed to look normal before Kendall got out of his room and left the house.

I put everything back in its place and washed my face. I went over to the kitchen to make some lemonade. A little later Kendall came in the kitchen.

"Hey Katie, I'm gonna get going. Can you make me some food for when I get back?" He asked, I nodded, and with that he left.

I prepared the lemon chicken and put it in the oven. I left to take a shower knowing it would take long. When I finished the shower it was 4:30, so I put the rice in the rice cooker to make itself. I went upstairs to get ready and soon enough I had finished with everything. I separated Kendall's food on some containers in the fridge and left the rest outside.

I heard his ringtone, and I picked up my cellphone.

"Hey I'm here." I heard his sweet voice say.

"Okay, I'll open up."

I went over to the door shaking. I was glad I didn't have shoes on because it would be noticeable. I opened the door and there he was, as gorgeous as ever. He came inside and took his jacket off, his biceps flexing when he did. I took his coat and put it in the closet trying not to look at him so I wouldn't get distracted and embarrass myself.

"So, I made rice and lemon chicken." I said walking with him towards the kitchen.

"Smells awesome." He said when we got there. "I don't know why but I feel kind of nervous." He said leaving me in shock that he would actually admit it.

"It's okay, I'm feeling kind of weird too. It has been long since we have seen each other and hung out." I said serving each of us a plate.

He took the plates over to the table and set them down. I couldn't help but notice how his white v-neck showed off his tan. His jeans fitted him perfectly, although it was weird seeing him in crocs, its not the type of shoe he wears often, or anybody around here for that matter.

"So, what do you want to drink?" I asked going over to the cabinet to get the glasses.

"Water is fine." He said sitting down.

"Ok, water it is." I said trying to reach up for the glasses. I hated when mom decided to change everything from where they're supposed to be. While trying to reach up I fell down and hurt my ankle. As soon as James noticed he went over to me.

"You know, you should learn to ask for help when you cant do things." He said with a smile playing on his face.

"I'm not completely helpless you know." I said embarrassed. He helped me over to the table and he got the water for us.

Dinner was kind of quiet. I was in a bit of pain. When we finished he took our plates over to the sink and washed them. When he came back he stood in front of me.

"Need help over to the couch?" He asked mockingly.

"No, I can do it myself." I said sticking my tongue out. I got up and carefully walked over to the couch and plopped myself down. He sat next to me and put my feet up. He started massaging my ankle, it felt great.

"You know if Kendall catches us, we're going to be dead." He said slowing down the massage.

I had my eyes closed and was leaned over to the back of the couch. "You say that like we were doing something wrong. Its nothing, we're just hanging out." I said feeling my ankle get better just by his touch.

"Food was great."

"Thanks, it's actually the first meal Kendall ever ate from my cooking. He's just too picky when it comes to food." I said laughing and opening my eyes.

Now he wasn't just massaging my foot, he was caressing my leg. I looked at his eyes. Always bright, gorgeous, he was just perfect.

"So you and Camille have been together for a long time now." I said kind of jealous. I never had a real relationship and I was sort of jealous of her.

"You know her?" He asked with a mix of shock and scare.

"Well you introduced us, remember? When you guys started dating, a couple of months after what happened at your house." I said looking down.

"Please don't remind me of that, I made a complete fool of myself." He said.

"No, actually you didn't" I said, surprised that I even said it.


	7. Why Now?

This is probably the longest chapter I might write, but it kind of exploded out of my mind. The whole thing even continues in the next chapter. Anyways today is my niece's bday so I'm updating early because we're going to watch all the BTR episodes. She actually convinced me to watch the show after two weeks of begging and then made me obsessed with it. So it doesn't truly suck I'm the youngest of my sister's when I get to have nieces that are just a couple years younger but pretty fun. Anyways thanks for the reviews, they made me happy =). Well enough of this, enjoy the chapter..

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><p><strong>Just A Crush: Why Now?<strong>

"Wait, I didn't? Come on, I practically threw myself at you and you didn't do anything, not even flirt back." He said laughing. Boy he didn't know how wrong he was.

"I was seventeen for crying out loud, my experience with guys was zero and I was a nervous wreck that day. Remember I had to lie to everybody so we wouldn't get caught?" I said somewhat embarrassed.

"Zero experience with guys?" He said smirking.

"Two boyfriends tops. And its not like any of them truly liked me anyway, they only wanted me physically so I was just used to ignoring guys trying to seduce me." I said remembering when he changed that day or how he showed me his tattoo.

"You should've told me back then you know." He said.

"James, you had a girlfriend, and even if she was a bitch it would've still been wrong." I said.

There was silence for a while and it was sort of uncomfortable until his cellphone rang. He carefully put my feet on the ground and I sat myself right on the couch. I turned on the T.V. but in a low volume so I could still hear what he talked about. It was normal for me to eavesdrop.

"Hey!" He said with his signature tone, you could tell he was smirking and being flirtatious, it was just his way of being. That was probably the reason I never thought too much of it before that day in his house or the confession for that matter. "I'm at a friend's house and then we're all going to watch the game at Dustin's." He said and paused. "Yeah babe I remember you need the car tomorrow. By the way you're running out of gas so I'll be about five minutes late because of it okay?" Dammit, he was talking to his girlfriend, I hated it. "Don't worry about the money baby, I'll fill the tank for you. Anyways we'll talk later okay?" He paused again. "Bye, love you." He said hanging up.

He walked over to the couch and sat next to me. I looked over at him for a second, smiled and turned to look at the T.V. again. I was kind of a nervous wreck. I wanted to be with him but he had a girlfriend and maybe it was just that I wanted him for me. Because I had the longest crush on him. Maybe because I needed some affection. Last time I got one of those, maybe when I went to Italy, yeah, back then, from this random but really cute guy. I looked over at the oversized t-shirt I was wearing, it was his. Royal blue and white, with the number 11 on the back and his last name; Fainello.

"Hey, you okay?" I heard him ask. Of course my face wouldn't be so happy by now.

"Yeah, I'm just kind of tired you know. Work was exhausting." I said maybe hoping he would just go. I hated to be around him and not being able to do anything. I wanted to be his friend so I wouldn't completely lose him but this was just making it worst.

"Come on, lay down. Let me give you a massage." He said patting his lap.

"Nah, it's okay." I said not really wanting to know how this would turn out. This is kind of how other things started, would I even like this afterwards?

"Katie, you're really unbelievable. I, the incredible James, offer to give you a massage and you deny it. I'm truly offended." He said lightly laughing.

"Fine." I said while moving myself to the right. I grabbed a cushion and put it on top of his lap. I leaned sideways, as if I were to sleep, and laid my head in it. I know it wasn't the actual position for a massage but my brain wouldn't act as I directed.

I felt his strong hand on my shoulder. I closed my eyes, trying to relax, not think about anything.

"Wow sweetie, you're truly tense." He whispered in my ear.

That truly got me nervous. I think he could tell because his hand felt softer as I started to feel it in my bare neck for a brief moment. He went back to my shoulder again.

"You like it?" He asked.

"Yeah, feels nice." I said, trying not to sound too happy. I remembered that day at his house over and over. I remembered high school, I started to remember every single moment that included him.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked.

"My last year in the school you and Kendall went to." I replied.

"You say it like you never went there." He said while getting my hair off my face and my neck before continuing with the massage.

"I wish. I really hated it you know. Those people messed with my mind so much. I truly felt alive, or at least like a human when I changed." I said remembering how when I left I transformed myself. I started to let my hair down, got bangs and reddish highlights. That was also around the time James said he first laid eyes on me in a different way.

"But that was good, I mean it made you change for the better." He said. After a while he continued. "You know, I remember how much Kendall hated you and how he used to talk about you when I was new. I didn't even know who you were until you went over to him one day to ask something. I think it was a dumb question tho because he got pretty pissed." He said. It did kind of hurt my feelings to know Kendall hated me. I knew I sort of pissed him off, but I never knew he expressed himself about me that way.

"I know, I did it on purpose, to kind of check you guys out. You were cute back then, well you and Logan." I said remembering those times. I had to make myself happy somehow in that hell hole.

"Sneaky." He said. I looked over at him, he was smiling his pearly whites.

"But still getting out of there was the best decision I ever made." I said proudly. I was never one to just give up.

"Yeah, you changed drastically Kates." I looked into his eyes. "I mean, you matured a lot, you were already mature for your age but your grade was truly holding you back. You got out of there, experienced life on your own, you stopped holding back. Even though I didn't get to see you on a daily basis anymore." He said and I turned back to leaning sideways.

"Yeah but if I stayed I wouldn't have probably changed and you would've never gotten a crush on me." I said laughing, he joined. After a while we became silent and he continued massaging.

"Feels good?" He asked.

"Yeah, really good." I said without measuring my words.

"I know how it can make you feel better." He said. I debated on what to answer. I knew how this would end up by now, but I couldn't help but want to be in that position, even if it was sort of wrong.

"How?" I asked, hoping that I was wrong and he would just answer with a few words of explanation, but right then I felt his hand caress my cheek and his lips pressed against my neck.

I closed me eyes enjoying that feeling. I felt like someone cared about me. I also felt that he forgot to shave before coming here. Then again I wasn't his girlfriend, he didn't have to get himself looking good for me. Oh wow, Camille, I wondered many things but decided to push it out of my mind and just enjoy.

He pulled the neck of my shirt until he could see my shoulder and kissed me there. He started to make a trail back to my neck and I started to prepare myself mentally for what I knew was coming next. He started kissing my jawline until he made his way up to my lips. It was sweet and gentle, and at the same time I thought he would've been a better kisser but I didn't want to think about anything, just enjoying him. Slowly he moved until he was completely on top of me, holding himself so he wouldn't hurt me, but still close enough for me to feel the changes in his breathing. After a bit we both separated. I looked at his eyes, it was hard to read what he was truly thinking.

"You know how long I've been waiting for this?"

I didn't respond, I couldn't bring myself to say anything. We started kissing again. This time our hands finding their ways. Mine were tangling themselves in his hair while his were making their way to my sides and slid under my shirt and started rubbing my back.

After a while it started getting intense. Guilt was starting to vaguely make its way back to my mind. I felt his hand making its way to snap my bra, I stopped him. A couple seconds later he was about to grab one of my breasts when I stopped him abruptly and got him to get off me. I sat straight in the floor this time, he sat next to me.

"Wow." I said, I couldn't believe this had happened.

"Seriously, why now?" He said.


	8. Authors Note

OMG! I'm so sorry for disappearing on the story. I actually disappeared a bit from, well, everywhere. You know how horrible parents can get, specially my dad since he really loves having me in court every once in a while apparently saying that I dropped out of school(he really has no idea of how smarticle I can be). Good news I won the case and I'm back for good and also obsessed with law tv shows. Not the _Judge Judy _kinda, but more like the _Suits_ kind or _Fairly Legal. _ Also I am updating tomorrow for sure! Anyways on a second note if anyone wants to kind of co-write a story with me you can PM me, I had an idea for a story but idk, its missing something there. Okay sorry if I bored anyone, if not glad you enjoyed me rambling.


	9. Getting Distracted

I know this is not the longest chapter ever, but I really hope you like it.

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><p><strong>Just A Crush: Getting Distracted<strong>

What did he mean by "why now"? Why did I stop there? No, that can't be it, he couldn't be that much of a jerk. So I just opted for my best option, the one that usually gets me out of situations like these ones.

"I don't know." I said and looked down. That one usually worked for everything, even school.

"I can't believe this is happening now, why didn't it happen back then?" He said, which I was glad he did so I could actually understand what he meant.

"I seriously don't know. But really this couldn't have happened, you have a girlfriend." I said frustrated, I would've hated if this happened to me.

"I know. But you know, I have waited for this for so long." He said caressing my cheek. "And you're a really good kisser, and your lips taste so sweet." He said pulling me to sit in his lap.

I buried my face in his neck avoiding eye contact. I couldn't believe this happened but I sure needed to be away from him. I sat up straight, right beside him.

"I know that back the you were shy and that's why it didn't happen, but I don't know." He said grabbing both my hands.

"James, I think you should get going tho, you have to meet your friends in a bit and Kendall is coming home soon." I said a bit too quickly. He checked his watch and nodded.

"You're right." He said and got up. I walked beside him towards the door. "Just so you know, I really liked this." He said and hugged me. I buried my face in his chest. He tilted my chin up and kissed me one last time before heading out the door.

With the slight pain I still felt in my foot I walked to my room and started cleaning. Yes I was a nervous wreck right now. I didn't know what would happen next. Would he just forget about me? Would he dump his girlfriend for me? Would he want to continue this in the shadows? I don't know, this was so confusing, I never thought I would be caught in this position. I'm still not even sure if this is more than just a crush, as in, can this be love in the future or was this just momentary passion.

I was frustrated at the moment so I grabbed a bottle of Windex and a paper towel and started cleaning the mirrors… Fifteen minutes later I realized I was gonna end up cleaning up my entire room.

I hated that he made me feel like this, but I still couldn't understand what was going on. I wanted to have him care for me, but still I couldn't feel anything special but I felt completely drawn to kiss him even if it wasn't that amazing.

Soon enough Kendall was back and just like he always does he comes in without knocking the door.

"Hey what happened down there? The cushions of the sofa are not where mom left them." He asked. I still can't believe he notices that stupid little detail.

"I fell so I moved them to make me comfortable because now my ankle is hurt." I said pissed off, not that much at him but mostly about what happened tonight.

After that he left and went on with his business. That night I had trouble sleeping, mostly because James wouldn't stop texting me. I decided to be away from him for a bit at least. What had happened shouldn't have happened and I thought I was strong enough to resist him but I was wrong. Maybe not resist him, but his charm, and the fact that my past relationships had been as cold as glaciers didn't help at all.

A couple of days later I decided to go shopping with Claire.

"Wait so you felt guilty because you were kissing him?" Claire asked.

"Yeah, he has a girlfriend, that wasn't right." I said feeling really bad.

"Go easy on yourself, it's not like you were having sex. Or were you?" She asked with a smirk which made me laugh.

"Of course not, not even if it was a fake virginity, I wouldn't give him that pleasure." I said smiling.

"Oh my, I see your evil side comes out at any time." She said giggling. She pulled me by the arm and we continued shopping. We even stopped by David's Bridal to get an idea on dresses for her wedding even if there was no date set.

Last time we had this kind of shopping was when we were fantasizing on what her engagement ring would look like. We knew he was going to propose of course, I however hadn't expected it to be THIS soon. But still dress shopping for the wedding was no different either. It was just to get an idea, have fun, and have most of it planned so it can be executed as soon as its needed. We weren't exactly the girly girls that had this planned since they were kids, or the ones that already have the idea in mind, so better prepared.

Yeah, this was good. I needed to get myself focused on anything but relationships, getting distracted is good…

And I was so close! Just then my phone beeped, I had a text from James. I decided to ignore it and read it later, if I didn't Claire would probably reply to him for me and God knows that always gets me into more trouble.


	10. The View

Hey! I'm back with another chapter. Next chapter will be the final one. Thanks for reviewing and reading!

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><p><strong>Just A Crush: The View<strong>

I didn't completely ignored James' texts. I have been reading them. I also called him back in response for all his text messages. We talked for a while, but I cut him short. I tried not too sound too needy, I kinda ended up sounding bitchy, but the truth was I did miss him, that's what went wrong. So here I am, getting ready to go on a date with him.

It was even ridiculous that we classified it that way. He had a girlfriend for crying out loud! I had to be honest with him, this couldn't continue anymore. He was cheating on his girlfriend, with me, something I never thought I'd be doing. Well, there goes another promise I didn't keep. I had promised myself I would never be this girl, this kind of girl. I had been on the other side before, it wasn't pretty.

Been cheated on I thought was the worst thing that could ever happen to me. It hurt so much I never wished this to happen to anyone, especially not because of me. I had promised myself to never be caught in this situation. But here I was, stuck in it. Even if we hadn't done much it was still cheating, he was cheating on his girlfriend with me. I was helping him do this.

I hated his voice, it was so sweet. Why couldn't I be the same person as a couple of years ago. That girl didn't let him get much in her head even when he was being extremely flirty, kinda throwing himself at her. I hate that I'm not that person anymore. I feel like I'm becoming weak, when I was always this strong stubborn person.

I wanted to look nice tonight, and I was trying to not give any provocative thought at all. But who am I kidding, guys like him like anything with boobs and sadly those wouldn't even go away with a tight sports bra. I decided to just wear my jeans and converse with a purple tank top and my gray jacket since it was kind of cold this late at night. He said we were going to the view so I had told mom I was gonna meet Claire and a couple of friends at Elaine's house a couple of blocks away so I was going to walk.

It was 8:30, it was getting dark, I was walking towards the corner and I saw him already parked there. I got into the car and he drove away. He was wearing his dark gray skinny jeans, his black leather jacket and a red t-shirt. He had his glasses on which made him look amazingly handsome.

He usually didn't like wearing them, but I was glad he was unaware of how great they made him look. He already knew he was cute and if his ego got any bigger it would truly suck. He was driving, looking straight ahead, from time to time looking at his phone. He kept receiving text messages.

"I missed you." Was the first thing he said.

"Me too." I felt like pudding.

"But still you were ignoring my texts, and when you call you're not yourself." He pointed out.

"I was busy to answer them and stuff kept getting me into bad moods. I still wanted to talk to you, it just came out with the wrong tone." I said. I felt like I was giving excuses to my mother.

He got a call there, he decided to pick up.

"Hey buddy! What's up?" He said looking at me, then he focused on the road again. "Well I'm kind of busy right now but in about an hour and a half I'll go to your house to grab the computer. My friend said he would help you."

He kept talking on the phone but he pissed me off. 'Kind of busy'? 'In about an hour'? Was I really just a pit stop? I was kind of feeling like a hooker at this point. He didn't say he was with a friend, he just said he was doing stuff. He picked me up in a corner, we've kissed and he keeps treating his girlfriend normally and talking about how she would have to deal with him leaving for the Army soon.

I had to tell him tonight. This had to stop, I had made so much progress those days that I stayed away from him.. Why couldn't I just keep myself put together? I am truly a masochist, Claire is right. I keep doing this to myself knowing that it would only get worse and it would hurt me and not him. I wanted him to get hurt just like I was right now, but at the same time it felt like I would die if I ever saw him hurt. I had seen him hurt before, it didn't feel good at all. Why do I even have to have a heart?

We got to the view and he parked the car. I got out in an instant, he was still finishing up the call. I needed to breath some air, my thoughts had been fighting in my brain. Whoever said 'listen to your heart' was a seriously screwed person.

"Hey." I heard him say while getting out of the car, strutting in his sexy way, oh God!

"Hey." I said looking down at the lake.

"So, what excuse did you use on your mom this time?" He said while he hugged me from behind and put his chin in my shoulder.

"That I was visiting some friends nearby." I said attempting to walk away, I failed. "So, how was your day?" I asked trying to direct the conversation the way I wanted to.

"Nothing much, had to run some errands with Camille and her mom and then got home and exercised." He said, I felt him shrug, like it was nothing.

I had to do it now, I had to tell him.


	11. Take A Guess

Well.. The final chapter is finally here. Thanks for all of you who stuck around and read the story ^_^

**Just A Crush: Take A Guess**

I was nervous. I felt like I was about to break up with the guy that meant the world to me. He did mean so much to me, but the position he had me in was one I really hated. I opened my mouth, I tried to tell him, but nothing came out.

I tried to move away from his grasp bit by bit, but he held on to me tightly. I had a headache, this was going to be more difficult than I thought. His hands went from my hips to my stomach, and his lips were already in my neck. He gave me little kisses that made me weak, weaker than I had ever been.

Seriously, whoever decided that love had to be difficult before you found the right one truly sucked. I was getting tired of the chase, of getting broken. Even if right now a million girls would kill to be in my position, being held by James Diamond, I would trade it to be held by the right guy. That person seriously loved chasing, he probably never committed, he just wanted to play around, yeah, that's it.

My willpower was leaving me by the second. I had mentally prepared myself for this today and now, its like the plan never existed in my head.

"What are you thinking about?" He whispered in my ear.

"How tough I used to be." And it was true. I usually had complete control of myself.

"Yeah, I remember how you used to distance yourself from me when I was coming on to you, but I'm glad you don't anymore." That makes one of us. He looked even better back then, but now is when my strong teenage me decides to leave my brain alone and lets me go along with his plan.

"Me too." Lies, so many lies.

There was silence for a while. I was disappointed at myself, why couldn't I just fight for myself? We were now back inside the car, the night got colder. He sat straight while my head rested in his lap. He caressed my cheek while I just looked at his eyes, those amazing hazel eyes. But sadly, they would never be mine. They never were, they were always someone else's. I needed to feel like I belong, and this was the closest thing I ever had to that but I should've realized sooner that this is what it was all about.

"James." I said closing my eyes.

"Yes?" He asked.

"Why do you like me?" I asked.

"Because you're sweet and smart. I've liked you for a long time."

"But back then you didn't know I was sweet and smart, you only saw my physical change." I said trying not to sound annoyed.

"But I could tell you were." What a freaking liar!

"How? Everybody always saw me quiet, or pissed off. Nobody knew me, nobody could tell anything about me." I ranted, I couldn't take it anymore. I was so stupid. I actually thought he liked me, he only liked how I looked. I should've just let this be this unfulfilled crush that it was always meant to be.

"Hey hey, calm down." He said with a peaceful voice placing his hand in my stomach.

"James, you're not gonna leave your girlfriend are you?" I asked. He stayed quiet, but Claire was right, I needed to voice how I felt.

"Say something!" I yelled.

"What do you want me to say?" He asked.

"Why wont you leave her?"

"I.." He sighed. "I love her."

"If you love her so much why did you even started this with me? Do you think it would be fun to have an affair with me?" I asked pissed off.

"Hey, I wouldn't hurt you and you know that."

"No, I don't because right now that's exactly what you're doing. You keep feeding me with hope. What were you gonna so if we kept this going long enough? Look, just take me home." I said and stayed silent the whole ride. He kept trying to reach my hand but I couldn't let him. I had let this go too far.

Why do I just have to be such a masochist. I knew this would happen all along deep inside, but no, I just have to think these things wont happen to me or that I'm just imagining things.

The worst thing is how I had to lie to so many people. How I had to pretend to not be seeing anyone and pretend I had other reasons to smile when I truly didn't.

He left me right in front of my house. I didn't text my mom I was on my way over so she wouldn't notice who dropped me off. I got inside and locked myself inside my room. I got on my computer and put my iTunes on shuffle. It's stupid though, when you put it on shuffle but then you keep skipping songs until you find one that fits your mood at the moment.

Skip.. Skip.. Okay, this one might do for now.

(Britt Nicole- Safe)

_You keep tryin to get inside my head, _

_While I keep trying to lose the words you said _

_Can't you see I'm hangin by a thread, _

_To my life what I know, yeah I'm losing control and _

_Oh no, my walls are gonna break _

_So close, its more than I can take _

_I'm so tired of turning and running away _

_When love ju-st isn't safe _

_(your not safe, mmm-mm) _

_I'm strong enough, I've always told myself _

_I never want to need somebody else _

_But I've already fallen from that hill, _

_So I'm droppin that guard here's your chance at my heart and _

_Oh no, my walls are gonna break _

_So close, its more than I can take _

_I'm so tired of turning and running away _

_When love ju-st isn't _

_Everything you want, but its everything you need _

_Its not always happy endings but its hap-py in betweeen _

_Its taken so long, so long to finally see _

_The other isn't worth the risk _

_Oh no, my walls are gonna breeeaakk _

_Oh no, my walls are gonna break _

_So close, its more than I can take _

_So tired of turning and running away _

_When love ju-st isn't safe _

_Oh no, my walls are gonna break _

_So close, its more than I can take _

_So tired of turning and running away _

_When love just isn't safe _

_Your not safe _

_And that's okay _

….

Two weeks after that I decided to go back to Florida. I needed a change of air, I needed to get away from home. It was never the place for me to begin with and ever since I left Florida I felt like I wasn't home anymore.

I moved in with Dak. He's been a great friend lately. I know, I left Claire behind but I needed to. She was happy with her soon-to-be husband and I just need to be away from anyone in a relationship because it made me want one too and it was something I truly didn't need right now.

My plans? Work this semester and next semester I go back to college as a transfer student, I decided to finish my bachelor's in Florida.

"Come on, turn that frown upside down." Said Dak from the kitchen. I looked at him and saw him with both of his hands behind his back.

"What are you hiding?" I asked, he came over and showed two bowls. "Chocolate ice cream, strawberries, almonds and whip cream?" I asked in shock.

"Your favorite."

We watched _The Fast and The Furious_ in silence. But right in the middle I got a text.

From: James

To: Katie

Can I see you?

From: Katie

To: James

I'm not 'home' anymore.

From: James

To: Katie

Why did you leave?

From: Katie

To: James

Take a guess.

"Hey, are you okay?" Dak asked putting his hand in my shoulder.

"Yeah, I'm fine, lets just keep watching the movie."

The End


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